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FullyPersuaded13
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Name: Jordan
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Rochester
Birthday: 10/13/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: My Savior, my faith, my family, my friends, my concerns, my health, YOUR Savior, YOUR faith, YOUR family, YOUR friends, YOUR concerns, YOUR health..... love in general and in its every aspect, as defined Biblically and otherwise, How people think, How to lead without manipulating
Expertise: Christian Rock Music, English, screwing up in general, sticking my foot in my mouth, somehow salvaging and getting it back out by laughing it off, getting attached to people
Occupation: Student
Industry: Government
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  GodFollower13
Member Since:
7/6/2005
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| Hey all... this is probably one of my last xanga posts. I'm moving my main blogging over to my myspace site... here's the link. http://blog.myspace.com/24302019
I'll still be commenting on all ya'll's blogs 'cuz i love you like that. Later lovelies!
-Jordan
P.S. I have a new blogpost at this very moment in fact. Complete with a new song.... everybody say ooooOOOOooooo.... or don't. | | |
| Hey guess what. Happy New Year. Any resolutions anyone? I never like to make them because I know I'll just break any that are important on account I'm still a human... that's not to say I don't try to be better in the new year, I just don't like to make promises that I know I can't keep. How was all of your holidays? Good stuff for the most part? Mine too I think. My Christmas was pretty nice and quiet. I got a metric ton of clothes from my granddad, and a cool watch among other things from my parents. I think everybody was pretty happy with what I got them too, so it was a success present-wise. It didn't really feel like Christmas all the way, but oh well. The week in between Christmas and New Years I went to the Joshua Revolution with my buddy JJ and his youth group... I got to see Mark Cahill (YAY!) along with five other speakers and some of the best worship I've ever had the privilege to be a part of. I learned so much about the Spirit and about how little denominations really matter. The theme was Revelation, but somehow the entire four day conference completely skipped over an escatological debates and all that crap. The only downside is that it seems I've picked up a stalker since then... and yeah she's pretty much the scariest person i can think of. JJ's just glad to have her off his back I think. I met some really awesome people and made the most new friends since Summit last June.
Which brings me to New Year's Eve. I was afraid that this year I was going to have to miss the fantastic watch-night service that our church does because my dad wanted to go visit my Grandma in Michigan. I know that's not a fair thing to complain about because my grandma really needs love right now, what with the the aneurism she had back in November and the fact that my Uncle who has a wife and two kids has landed his sorry A in jail again. But at any rate, when i got back from the Revolution my mom was like "Yeah it's too expensive to put the dogs into a kennel for just a couple days so we're not going." So I got to stay at church!... Obviously I was still cranked from the Joshua Revolution on New Year's Eve and I was telling my friends all about it, how I saw someone be healed, how some of our group were annointed, how I commited to some things (Which I've already blown, but that's for a later paragraph), and how I saw more of the "church" as it is in the Bible in that conference center full of 4000 youth than I ever have in any white building with a steeple. The best part about our church's New Year's Eve service is we do communion as it turns into the New Year and then the whole congregation holds hands around the entire sanctuary and spontaneously prays. I know I know, so non-trad... but that's not a bad thing. Christ only set up two traditions after all. Baptism and communion... beyond that use what He gave you to praise Him and work for Him. Anyway, it was an amazing night and I had a freaking awesome time with Carley. She said she had a feeling that our friend Chris would get saved this year, and she's been right about those type of feeelings before, so I was so excited. After we got home from church around 12:30 I stayed up until like 6 in the morning with Jessica and Jesse online, which was grand of course.
I found something out in the aftermath of the Joshua Revolution is I noticed the difference between emotional and intellectual faith, and how if you rely too much on either one it's detrimental to your spiritual health. When i went to Summit last year (I can't believe I can actually say last year and be referring to those two weeks - it seems so recent) I came home and I didn't have the huge spiritual letdown that I was expecting because of what a spiritual high that it was. I mean, obviously a lot of it has worn off gradually, but it wasn't like a "snort the spiritual drug for a three day rush" thing, because it was more intellectual than emotional. In my opinion, Summit did a good job of balancing the two... much thanks to Josh Bales for that too. In the three months following Summit I was able to keep my self commitments about purity of thought and sight almost flawlessly, and it wasn't even hard. I was talking to a lot of people about their problems and I finally felt like I had some support. Obviously I have fallen hard since then, but I'm getting back up because God's grace is sufficient. The point I'm making, however is that the JR was sooooo emotional. The worship, the speakers, the dancing, the environment.... everything was SO full of the Spirit but everything was also full of human emotion and it's sometimes very hard to tell the difference. Do I regret going? Heck no, it was full out amazing, and it among other things helped me understand where the "charasmatic gifts" fit in my system of beliefs and it also brought me a new understanding of Jessica and where she's coming from in her spiritual background. However, from January 2 to January 6 I hit the ground harder than I remember hitting before, speaking of mental purity and commitment to God to stay away from the things I know I should avoid. I think I'm back up again for the most part, but I still can't believe how quickly it seems I forgot what I saw and said at the JR... it makes me wonder if I'm really just fooling myself and everyone else about my faith. I hear that I'm a great guy and an awesome man of God and other flattery (however sincere it may be) all the time, and it tends to grate on my nerves sometimes. Kind of like every time someone says "Wow Jordan, I hadn't thought of that. Thank you so much, God uses you. You rock!" or something to that extent there's always this second voice that is like "Wow Jordan, you really have them all at your feet don't you. They'd probably do anything for you and they'd think that they were helping out God but in fact you're just using them. That's all this leadership shit that you talk about is, you know... you just use them." I swear I never want to be a manipulator.... and I know that second voice is Satan... but I just want to finally be a thing of solidarity so I don't beat myself up for being two faced. Because here's the thing: I know everyone else struggles with this. I know no one is ever acting like a Child of God all the time, and I know my friends all have guilt and regrets and beat themselves up over things. But it's so hard to let go, you know?
Wow that was long, but I still have so much more, so hang tight because I'm still on a roll.
I got a couple really awesome things in the mail this weekend. Oh geez! First of all in case some of you don't know, I've been accepted to my number one college choice Cedarville! Yes I'm ecstatic, and I know God will provide a way for me to go. But at any rate last friday I got my first scholarship from them... I just have to write back to accept it and that's 2500 dollars in my pocket! Even greater than that though was the packet I received on Saturday night after I got back from my friend Josh's wedding (Lol tell you more about that later too). Ladies and gentlement, I got an application to be on the Summit summer staff!!!! GAH SO HAPPY! I didn't even ask for it =) =)... I start grinning whenever I think about it. That would be like my dream summer job beyond words. So when you think of it remember that in prayer, that God would make a way for me to maybe be a Summit counselor and that He'd prepare me for it too as He sees fit.
So yes, last Saturday I went to my friend Josh's wedding. He's only 18 or 19 and his bride is a little younger than he is, so there were some chuckles and even a few wayward doubts about the marriage due to the young age. Fact is, people, that was among the most beautiful cermonies I've ever been to. I don't think I've ever really stepped back and talked about how much I admire marriage and every aspect to it. In my mind every single person is an image of the Trinity: Body = Christ, Spirit/Mind = Holy Spirit, and Soul = the Father. But there's still something in an individual that is missing the complete picture of God... and that is the duality of gender. In man is represented the authority and position of God as well as the disciplinary and example of a father. However God's character includes just as much feminine characteristics, like being a nurturer, a comforter, and an instructor. So where does the human complete that picture? I find it in marriage. Man and woman become one flesh, one mind, and one soul. All three parts of the trinity of the human, and now the combination of the masculine and feminine traits of our Savior. How awesome is that? It's fantastic beyond all measure. And here on saturday I got to watch God join two people in this amazing picture. They were so madly in love, and the way God brought them together was completely not of their own volition. They were from such different backgrounds that without having to lose so many of their dreams and things that they wanted God to give them they never would have even met. Isn't it often like that? Guys and girls, if you want something so much that you don't want to let it go to see if God has something better for you, then you need to reexamine. I'm not saying that there are some things that you should strive towards and desire with all your heart - how else could God give us those desires of our hearts like He says he wants to? But we never understand just how much He wants to do for us. Let us all die to ourselves in our every waking moment and make way for our Lover, our Maker, and our Jealous God.
I have so much more that I feel like I want to say, but I have to get going to work. I havent' been writing songs lately... but i think i might start again... I hope so I really love writing and re-reading. God bless you all... until next time, this is me Jordan wishing you all to have an amazing '06.
In Christ,
Jordan | | |
| Hello all. I am back.
Yeah, it's been a while. I don't know if my writing ability has at all returned to me, or if I really did get anything in my head straightened out at all in my absence, but I do know I've missed putting my thoughts down for all the world to read, and that now I'm ready to start letting it rip again.
So now it's nearly Christmas Day. Man this year has flown. Has it for all of you too? I know for all the college kids - especially the freshmen - this first semester has been over all to quickly. Disappointed? Don't be, even if you've got no semester to go back to you'll still have something going on in your life. I guarantee it. Myself, it doesn't seem possible that the year 2005 is over... so much happened it kind of seemed like it would go on forever. I'm now actually beginning the application/scholarship/enrollment process: and for real this time with a complete goal of Cedarville in my sights. At least that's one thing I've been able to get straightened out in my absence. Since I've written last I've been back down to Cedarville U to visit, tour, and of course chill with the good students there. Speaking of which, if you haven't heard we all need to be really praying for that campus and town. I guess a student and friend of Joy and Beckie's was in a car accident and she died instantly. The passenger was injured, but i hear she's recovering. This is the second Cedarville death this year, and the third in the town. And they're all young people. Pray that God uses all this grief as an opportunity to minsiter and show His grace.
What have I been doing instead of writing to all of my Xanga Lovelies, you ask? Is it possible to KNOW who you are, but not know why you are that way? And how is it that I can be so sure of my faith and still kill myself over and over spirtually until the only thing I can console myself with is the fact that God doesn't change? Christianity should be so much more than that. I'm living for others as far as I can tell... But i'm losing connections with a bunch of people, like I've said before.
Ok I'm back, Jesse just called and I was gone from my blogginess for about 15 minutes... regain train of thought.... ah there we go. So in about a month and a half I've spent my time that I usually would have been blogging just thinking and I think (ironic) that it's killing me. I'm struggling to find any boundaries of any kind lately. I know why I don't punch someone in the face - but it's in my head anyway. I know why I shouldn't look at porn - but I do it anyway like I can't do anything else at the time. It's been like I've volunteered to take back the chains of sin so that I can relate to people better or for whatever other reason. Can I just say that I HAAAAATE how I make myself feel sometimes. So in recognizing all this and in recognizing how hypocritical I can be, I'm left with two options. Turn my back and run away from my faith and everything I know that can be so difficult, or turn and face it all like I have been except this time figure out some way to stop my ever-growing urges and escalatingly powerful deisres to go against my Savior. I've tried everything, I swear. Prayer, reading my Bible (I'm in Acts 2 right now... great book), stoic headiness, brute force, self restriction, a measure of legalism, talking it through, whatever.... it hasn't mattered. And I don't know why.
Dear God,
I know you promised me that if I cry out to you you'll hear me. I know that your child David sinned greatly so many times, and i know how his sin found him out and yet you still blessed him because somehow through all his natural instincts and actions, he still had a heart for you. Lord, I want that to be me. I want to be able to stand up in front of people, like Peter, and not be afraid that people think I'm crazy or drunk because of the things I say. But more than that I want to have the life to back it up for people to see, like Paul had. Lord, I don't know if Paul's thorn in his side was a sin, a personality flaw, or a physical disbility, but you know how many thorns I have in my flesh, and how much I hinder myself by letting the ones I could remove stay there. I don't want to be caught up in vain arguments anymore. I want you to be the only thing real to me. You know, God who I love the most in this world. If it had to be that way, I would want you to take them all away from me and never let me see them again if it meant that you would be here with me and that I could break these old habits that i subject myself to. I know you hear me! I know you can read this as I'm typing, and I know that your word is true and that I can trust it. So please God reach down and help me out of this place that I've buried myself. I know I'm told I have a witness, I know that people look up to me, and I know that as far as others know I have the life to back up my faith. Help me live a life so that I believe that I am truly yours and not a hypocrite. If everyone in the world thought that I was the most amazing representation of your Son on this earth, but I still felt in my heart that because of my private life and because of the things that I think about with such ease, then it wouldn't be worth it at all to me. I'm begging you to come do something about this.... I know you can. I'm yours for your purpose, Lord. Thank you for listening.
Waiting for you,
Jordan
Today I had hoped for an amazing day as far as mail goes. I should be hearing from Cedarville U soon to find out if I have been accepted... I was hoping that would come. And then there's whatever wonderful thing Jessica has in store for me. Pretty stupid, if you ask me, that we send packages the same day and the one she sent comes at least two days later than mine does. Incompetent US Postal Service, I tell you. I'm really excited about all the stuff I got people this year for Christmas. It's going to be a fun time.
Oh yes, I have been tagged by dear Liz Bailey. I forgot about that. Here we go:
FIVE WEIRD HABITS OR LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT MYSELF
1. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and in a complete sweat and I can't go back to sleep for a half hour for no good reason.
2. I have not written a writing assignment in almost a year
3. When singing on the top of my lungs in my room, I find that I sing better when singing/screaming into the "microphone" that is a ball pump.
4. I secretly like the movie "Swan Princess"
5. When retelling dreams I sometimes make up some things to fill in the gaps, and then realize later that i hadn't made anything up but instead confused reality for the dream
I now tag the following to do this:
Jesse (Unless you've been tagged)
Jessica
Josh
Bennie
Nate
That's all I have today folks... no guarantees I'll be posting with any frequency, but I'm most likely finally back into the swing of things here. God bless all of you.... have an awesome night. | | |
| Hey xanga-ers. Guess what? This is Jordan... no i have not died, I am not in the hospital, and I have not eloped with some gypsy woman. Just so none of you worry, I'm posting merely for two purposes now. Number one, to let you know I'm still here. Looks like i've taken care of that department.
Reason number two: I am relocating the majority of my blog like ramblings for a little while. If in fact i do ramble in writing elsewhere, chances are the majority of you will never see it. i'm at the point where I need to sort a lot of things out by myselfand that's kind of what i've been doing the past week. if you would all continue to pray for me, I would appreciate it very much. I'm not shutting down this site in the chance (which is fairly likely) that I end up coming back to it. Thanks so much for reading my nonsense... much love to you all. This is Jordan, still Fully Persuaded of his Savior, though less persuaded of his own strength and goodness, signing out until next time. Lata, lovelies. | | |
| I have so much I want to say right now... but I can't, and at the same time I don't want to. Busting at the seams. God is so good to me, a sinner. So here's a song. If this is you, you'll know it. If you know someone who = this, then take heart.
I'd shed a tear for you right now
But it really doesn't seem to be worth it
Because you aren't listening anyway
I'd say a word to you right now
But nothing matters here anymore
Because you're past hearing today
I don't know you anymore
I've lost the respect you gained
I'll watch you fall and won't ignore
I'll pick you back up, your strength so feigned
I'd pray a prayer for you right now
But you're not letting anything work
Because you've got things looking up
I'd live in hope right now
For a future that is bright
But you haven't stopped messing up
I don't know you anymore
I've lost the respect you gained
I'll watch you fall and won't ignore
I'll pick you back up, your strength so feigned
You've come back around
Or at least that's what you say
So why is it that we all have found
That you're failing to change anyway?
Who are you today?
I should have known all along
My disappointment is sure
Written out in this song
You'll do what you feel is right
You'll crush what gets in your way
You'll feel guilty tonight
Because with you it's always the same
I don't know you anymore
I've lost the respect you gained
I'll watch you fall and won't ignore
I'll pick you back up your strength so feigned
You've come back around
Or at least tha's what you say
So why is it that we all have found
That you're failing to change anyway?
Come back when you're finished
When you're licking your wounds
Because I know who you are now
And I know the truth | | |
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